Le Petit Prince and the gravity of friendship

friendship

Oct 15

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the meaning of this quote (especially since my cat passed away last month):

“Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé.”
You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.

It comes from the children’s book Le Petit Prince (The Little Prince) by Antione de Saint-Exupéry, which is about a young prince who roams the universe searching for answers to life’s fundamental questions. He visits different planets and encounters a variety of characters who teach him lessons about loneliness, friendship, love, the fragility of life, and loss. Like many classic children’s books, it conveys deeper wisdom that sticks with us as we grow older.

What it means to be tamed

In the story, the prince meets a fox who refuses to play with him because he isn’t “tamed.” The fox goes on to describe the word’s meaning and implications:

“What does that mean—'tame’?”
“It is an act too often neglected,” said the fox. ‘It means to establish ties.”
“’To establish ties’?”
“Just that,” said the fox. “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . .” – Le Petit Prince, Chapter 21

“Tame” is an unusual word to describe the process of making friends because it typically implies domestication or obedience. But the fox’s definition means something wholly different.

Under the fox’s interpretation, to “tame” someone (or agree to be tamed) is a decision to invite a person into your life. And it shouldn’t be taken lightly because it opens you up to the vulnerability and pain of loss. When you bring someone into your life, you invest your time in them, grow to expect their presence, and rely on them. The result is a unique bond that’s built on mutual trust, affection, and responsibility, which is what makes the other person special to you and vice versa.

Friendship enriches our lives

Looking at the etymology of the French word “apprivoiser” (to tame), we learn it originates from the Latin word “prīvō,” which means to release or free. This is practically the opposite of being domesticated or made obedient. And when the prince and the fox become tamed, they’re essentially freed from their loneliness and unhappiness.

In a sense, befriending someone—seeing the best in them and caring for them— sets them free and helps them grow in significant ways. Our relationships with people (and animals) are a form of liberation and enrich our lives. The fox’s mundane surroundings take on a greater meaning after he befriends the prince:

“But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . .”

The legacy of friendship

Going back to the initial quote, “You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed,” the time period of “forever” is significant. The impact of taming someone is permanent because they form part of your memories and past, which can’t be taken away. And when you lose someone, you’re reminded that you didn’t just tame them, but they also tamed you—you feel sad and pain because you’re reminded of all of the happiness and love that was shared.

Despite the inevitability of loss, you should open your heart fully because it’s what makes life colorful and worthwhile:

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields.”